Q. I have a problem I feel very ashamed of. I have an addiction to porn and masturbation. It has become my daily routine. I can’t tell my wife about it and I don’t want to seek out other women in an effort to quell my urges because I don’t want to be unfaithful. When I was a child, an older girl forced me to have sex with her. I wish I could stop this but I don’t know how.
A. Thank you for your question. You are already enslaved by pornography and masturbation. I really do not want to concentrate on what you think is the cause of your behaviour but whatever it is, please know that it is possible to stop it. This is because any behaviour learnt can also be unlearnt.
The first thing you must do is to restrain yourself from viewing pornography in order to avoid the accompanying sexual stimulation. That means you must consider it a bad habit with no justification.
While I understand that avoiding pornography will not be an easy task, you should hold onto the fact that it will be beneficial to you and your marriage.
It is also crucial that you make a plan for avoiding masturbation during your go-to times of the day. If you have problems before going to bed or in the shower, refrain from any temptation to masturbate.
For instance, if it is a problem late at night, drop to the floor and do push-ups until you are too exhausted to do anything but fall asleep. If you find shower time too tempting, start using cold water only — you will not want to be in there for long.
If you always masturbate when you get home from work while alone, then you may need to make sure you have a solid plan to stave off any boredom you may feel. Additionally, when you have so little to do that your mind frequently wanders to sexual thoughts, occupy yourself.
Eventually, you will find it gets easier to avoid masturbation when you are too busy or tired to spare any energy for distractions. You may consider sharing this issue with your wife. She will help you disentangle yourself from the habit. All the best.